it's almost ready.
When will the deck be ready?
When you stop asking.
Can you just send what you have?
No.
It's just a few slides, right?
Sure.
How long does a deck actually take?
Longer than you think. Shorter than it deserves. Exactly long enough to make everyone involved quietly resentful.
Can we do a quick sync about the deck?
The sync will take 45 minutes, produce three conflicting opinions, and result in a complete rethinking of the narrative arc. We'll schedule a follow-up to discuss the follow-up.
I just sent some notes.
That's not a question. Also: noted. The progress bar has been updated accordingly.
Can you make it more visual?
Can you make the content more visual?
Can you add just one more thing?
Yes. [progress bar drops 4%]
What's your timeline?
What's yours?
Is the deck done?
[gestures at loading bar]
Open with personal anecdote.
Make eye contact with three different audience members.
Click.
Read the slide aloud, word for word.
Pause for laughter.
(will not happen)
Click. Click. Click. Click.
Acknowledge each stakeholder by name.
Forget at least one stakeholder's name.
Recover gracefully.
Land the close.
Get out.